Many college fraternities are coming under fire as more and more people have become concerned about the amount of alcohol consumption at parties. Making matters worst two isolated incidents coming at LSU and MIT related to alcohol poisoning have resulted in deaths.
This Sunday, three students from the Alpha Beta Zeta fraternity were admitted to a local hospital with cases of alcohol poisoning. Press Martin and Rob Smith were released from the hospital Monday morning while Al Amalek a freshman from Nashville, TN remains in the hospital listed at critical condition.
Just two weeks ago University president Harvey Smithville reinforced school policy on alcohol in fraternity houses located on campus or within campus limits. First offense results in a suspension, second offense within a year results in a banning of the fraternity for five years.
Jan Mize, a university representative has issued this statement, “Our initial invesitgation indicates these young me were at a party in the ABZ house. A number of witnesses say alcohol was being consumed by them. Based on that we are suspending the fraternity and all its activities on campus. We have not decide how long the suspension will last.”
In response to the suspension placed upon ABZ, Inter fraternity Council president Bart Addison has also issued a statement. ” We wholeheartedly agree with President Smithville that alcohol has no place at fraternity parties.” He then went onto say, “I am shocked that this incident has occurred, I believed that every one adhering to the University’s policy. However I do not believe that the entire fraternity should be held responsible for the actions of a few.”
1. I liked how rather than doing inverted pyramid you went ahead with a broad statement that leads into the main story.
2. The paraphrase of Smithville’s comment is good but I feel something is missing. It sounds like a fragment so maybe try to write it as a full sentence.
3. The quote of Addison is missing a word from the original statement and since you are using an exact quote, you should use the same punctuation from the original.
3.
1. Unfortunately, I disagree with Ivy — I think you need a lead that hits the news harder. The news is not a broad statement about alcohol on campuses — it’s a specific news item about something happening locally.
2. Both your quotes are far too long. Re-read the section in the Stovall text about how to select part of a quotation, and how to paraphrase the rest.
3. You’ve got both of Addison’s quotes coming from one statement, which according to the facts is not true, I don’t think.